A break from the routine.

Phil has seen it coming. I knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time before I reached my breaking point. Really you can only go so many nights without sleeping before you become a punch drunk paranoid schizophrenic. I sleep. But every little noise, cough, anything wakes me up. It's like when you bring home a newborn all over again, buter again- minus the warm fuzzy I have a new baby feeling. I told Phil I needed a night away. And he made it happen. I got a whole night away. Sleep rocks. I have always loved sleep. Sleep is good. He and the kids tearfully dropped me off at Ko'Olina- a beautiful resort down the road-I really don't know what the grief was for they almost certainly were guaranteed McDonald's or pizza for dinner. We used to come swim and snorkel at the lagoons here and whenever I had a chance I would walk here. That seems like such a long time ago. Now, most days I wouldn't know I lived in Hawaii except that the weather is always nice.

I brought along Lily's Pooh scrapbook and got quite a few pages done. I walked by the lagoons and didn't have to chase anyone, had a dinner without having to get up 25 times, and I slept the whole night through. Then this morning, I sat by the pool until this gorgeous man came walking by. He had the most adorable kids. It almost made me miss my own kids- wait those ARE my kids. And then I was being smothered like they hadn't seen me in weeks not merely 20 hours before. We spent the day splashing in the pool and I enjoyed them all so much more. The only time things got to me was while Phil and Lily were swimming- the pool was pretty much empty and I looked over to a row of people and every single one of them was just watching Lily.

So you put the armor back on, and you get tunnel vision and you spend the rest of the day pretending that you don't see the looks. But then there was a lovely family from Canada, eh whose kids shared their buckets with Lily...and all was well.