Am I 4 or am I 8?

Silly question, most would think.  But the ironic thing is that she is a 4 year old in the body of an 8 year old with the experiences of an adult- so lets face it we have no idea how old you are.  I don't know when she got on the kick, but she asks me at least once a day- am I 4 or am I 8?  We tell her she's 4. I mean chronologically, she is 4. Sometimes wise beyond her quaternary years,  she says so many things that make you go hmmmm.  Sometimes I feel like it's the calm before the storm, sometimes I snuggle in the warmth of the ordinary marvels of a child.

Lily has also discovered there are sometimes medicines and 'for ever and ever' medicines. We have been battling an atrocious cough for weeks now. I gave up on cough medicine over a week ago. No sense in taking stuff if it doesn't do anything. One morning as I was doling out the hydrocortisone and fludrocortisone, she asks- why do I have to take this- I'm not sick anymore- as she wipes the thick stream of snot across her cheek.  I reminded her she had a rock in her belly and when they took out the rock, they took out her adrenal gland and now the medicine keeps her healthy. A bit too much information? Maybe. But it's important for her to have because she is always going to have to take meds and more importantly let us know if she is feeling sick so we can up her dose.   So, she looks at me square in the eye and asks- is this a little while medicine or for ever and ever medicine? For ever and ever.  Oh, she pauses, Ok. She hops down off the chair and goes about her business.

The next morning I am languishing in the comfort of my bed(read as: coughing so hard I am laying in the fetal position as to a. not wet myself and b. keep my insides from ejecting themselves.) Phil lets me know he is leaving for work and gave Lily her meds. Apparently they also had a long talk about for ever and ever meds.  I guess it's sinking in. Then this morning her Ariel doll had to undergo a series of scans and we regret to inform you that Ariel has a frog in her belly and a rock in her leg- but Lily assures me she will have a cut in her belly and her leg but she will get better.  Phil and I look at each other and shrug. She's working through it. Like the rest of us, it happens in its own time. She also found a card she got from her Grandma after chemo was done. It's one of those musical ones( which she plays over and over and over until they break) this one is 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang. I hear her in the other room.  She comes running in as I am writing this. Her new favorite outfit is a pair of khaki shorts and the 'No owies" shirt with her name on it that my cousin Shannon made her.  I just like that she is wearing clothes- a fact that has been duly noted in quantity of laundry. The khakis are around her ankles, she's got the card held open in one hand and is holding the bottom of her shirt in her teeth while pointing at her underwear. I wonder if she's doing a rather poor imitation of 70's dancing, but what's with the pants?  She tries to talk and the shirt falls out of her mouth.  She stuffs it back in and is mumbling through. It sounds like she's saying "Cheese Mash"  After a few minutes of seventies stripper charades, I get what she is miming. She is wearing Dora Birthday underpants. Dora and Boots have party hats on and are holding balloons. The song is "celebration"- the card matches her underpants- "These Match".  Okay maybe she is pretty 4 after all.