Thursday, May 10, 2012

I can't think of anything worse than losing a child, except perhaps seeing them suffer. So today was one of the longest days for many reasons. The longer it was, the longer I could avoid calling my own mother to let her know the news.

I have breast cancer. And a sarcoma- but that last bit seems pretty minor now.

Equally difficult was sharing the news with my children.  The last thing I ever want is for anyone to worry about me- least of all these little people in my charge. So for them I find strength and courage because there is no other option.

I find strength in knowing there is a 7 year old upstairs who is stronger than I will ever be. I find courage to be strong for the 11 year old whose worst nightmare is to be unpretty or different- if for nothing more than to emphasize the truth of beauty and strength for her to know and find within herself. I find a smile from a 6 year old who knows something really bad is going on and forges ahead reading a book to me despite 5 other people vying for my attention because she needs me to see her read.  And for the 12 year old- who will be strong, yet terrified and rise to the occasion because I know he will, after all he is his mama's boy.

There will be long days ahead and we have not had time to prepare. Prepare for the physical or emotional loss.  But I know preparation is a luxury this disease will not be afforded, time is of the essence and the eviction notice has been given.  I will face it with my best friend, by my side as he has been from the beginning. In sickness and in health- he has been my rock, my foundation and together we can get through anything. I have been luckier than most and the universe tries to find balance- it will again tip in our favor. Until then, please offer a thought of strength, a prayer, any positive energy you can spare for my monkeys and their dad tomorrow- as I will be temporarily unavailable.  Hugs.

1 comment:

  1. I am so very sorry Jen! Words aren't even enough. Praying for you. You are brave. You are strong. You are a fighter. We love you!


Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)