Monday, September 28, 2015

Day 6 of 21. Co-misery for sport.

Phil woke up early to go sit alert. Ever since that unfortunate attack on Pearl Harbor- there are men and women who maintain a strict watch over the Pacific and these Islands. Days. Nights. Holidays. Extra shifts when the President comes for vacations and holidays. When we first moved here, that was his job- day in and day out basically waiting for a call that everyone hopes never comes.

I think of the many who are deploying and are deployed and again feel lucky that he is here. That if the shit hits the fan, there is a chance he could break away and be with us. And that feels selfish. I feel bad for being selfish. After all, he's spent the better part of these 20 years educating and training for the mission. Whatever that may be or however it changes. His biggest limfac is me and my stupid cancer.

Now that my kitchen counters are clean, I realize that I probably need to get a few things from the store. Lily again is the first up. She has a very special relationship with food- she is either the best or worst person to take shopping depending how you look at it. Kiera joins us downstairs. I ask her to make a grocery list for me while I shower. Bella has a soccer game later, I am bringing snacks next week. I try to remember to tell Kiera to add that to the list but it gets forgotten.

Lily and I head out and I decide it would be better to go to the Commissary(co-misery) on base instead of Safeway. The prices are a lot better and it's not that far. One of my wifely duties that I've been shirking over the past few years- grocery shopping. I don't really enjoy it. I like cooking when energy allows- and it is a necessary piece of that. Phil generally runs to costco once a week and that holds us over.

They are renovating the commissary. It's been so long since I've gone, things aren't where I remember them being. I try to focus on the list- Lily is like a kid in the candy store. We aren't even half way through, the cart is full, and we mostly have the list covered. I grab a few remaining items and realize we were just sucked into the co-misery time warp. I don't know how, it just always take longer.

Lily agrees to stay home and put groceries away. We unload the car, I grab Bella and Kiera, we are off to Bella's soccer game. I think we have reffing duties today. I don't know for sure- all things communication lack. It's a trend with all the activities. I don't know if it's an island thing or an epidemic. I feel like activities almost require a family effort and there is a general lack of planning- yet it's ok because if you are really devoted and care about your child you are there all the time anyway and would be "in the know". I let the team mom know Kiera is here if they need a line ref. She said she thought they had enough parents but Kiera could shadow her if she wanted.

The girls warm up and the rain is intermittent. Kiera holds the umbrella while I snap pics. We are the bad news bears. The girls are lucky if 5 players show up. Today the 6th shows up as they take the field. All of these girls just want to play and are happy to be there. That is what sports should be about when you are 9. Not the potluck- not raising money to travel to the mainland- there are plenty of kids right here who just want to play.

Bella's team is blue. One of my favorite shirts is Blue- it was a fundraiser for St. Baldrick's done in memory of a very special little girl named Haley. It is phenomenal- It has her signature on the front and her handprints on the back- I've been hugged by Haley. She was such a sweet kid and a brain tumor took her too soon. I think of her mom who I know would give anything to be sitting on the sidelines watching her baby run back and forth. Just to have one more hug. I pull Kiera close and hug her, she's learned to humor me in these moments. There are so many of them.

Bella played goal keeper for a quarter. She took a hard shot the the chest and just shook it off. It was impressive. Phil texts me from work how he's sorry to miss it. I get snippy and mention she's got other games- they are on Saturdays. He knows what I mean. I know he would rather be here. I apologize. Kiera and I can hear each other's stomachs rumbling. We discuss all the possibilities to remedy the situation after the game. Lately she hangs out with me a lot more. I don't know what the change is. Generally she avoid us- I guess I fake normal enough that she is comfortable with me again. Kiera doesn't do sick. She practically lived with neighbors when Lily was in treatment. The game is over, we grab Bella and are on our way to lunch when I get a text. Shit. I forgot about reffing. I used to absolutely be appalled at people's forgetfulness. Like seriously? And I completely forgot that was why Kiera was here- was to ref for us. My secretary while I'm driving, Kiera texts back apologies and that we are on the way.  I am so hungry I'm shakey. Kiera tells me we can just drop her off and go get food- if we could bring her back something that would be great. The soccer field isn't a quick trip so Bella and I just stay and watch Kiera ref. I think back to the times we reffed (by we I mean Phillip and Phil) for her games, all the hours spent driving her places and sometimes I wonder if they even notice. And then I realize, leading by example works. Be the change you want to see.

When she is done- I ask her what she wants for lunch. Soft pretzels. The only place to get those is the mall or at the comisery- if I had only known this morning. But we are close to the mall- what the hell? It is saturday and parking is hell. Mental reminder to self- online shopping for Christmas. Apparently K-pop is performing- we walk right by it- this is a thing- and people are very into it. We order pretzels. They have pumpkin spice pretzels. Oh yes they do. They were delicious. 

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Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)