Friday, October 28, 2016

And the Trophy goes to: Impossible Toxic People

You can pick your friends. You can choose your community and who you surround yourself with.

Sometimes you are stuck with a bad bunch. Like with soccer. and AYSO.

Leeward AYSO is hopelessly disorganized and just a hot mess. I can't fix everything. I can't fix it. My kid wants to play soccer. It's an option. If you are completely flexible, like last minute notice, and put up with favoritism and sexism.

This diatribe could go on forever, but this is my vent on bad people to purge it and then I am moving on. By the way I'm tired so there will be swearing and referring to oneself in third person.

Our kids are always on the Bad News Bears teams because we sign up late and generally don't "know" people. People pick teams and coaches and such- my kids just want to play- location is more important when trying to coordinate the afternoon shuffles.

This season, Bella's soccer team is half from Waianae, half Kapolei- as opposed to one team being dissolved. Because when the powers that be have to load their select teams- it leaves all these leftover kids like Bella who just want to play. SO our coach doesn't even have a kid on our team- but kindly volunteered- because none of us other parents can be bothered to coach. She is a good person. She knows the sport and is a good balance of tough and fun with girls.  AYSO is a volunteer organization, parents are expected to help. Its in their whatevery-doodle thing.

First day of practice- we all stand around- that uncomfortable -are you on my team- thing. I see a mom yank her kid to the ground by the ponytail. Yep it's gonna be THAT kind of team.

Coach asks for help with anything, volunteers, nothing. nothing. Noone. Now it's U12- the girls should be pretty self sufficient. The biggest thing is reffing. NO ONE wants to ref. Its always a problem. ALWAYS. I say give parents the option- fucking ref or fork over whatever $$ to have someone else do it. but I don't have time to fix this bullshit, so technically I can just do what I've been brought up to do- offer what I can and go from there. I don't want to ref either- Phil will probably only be able to make a couple of games due to his fun schedule- Kiera has all day ballet on saturdays and the boy has ACTS/Sat's and wrestling- so I cant pay them to do it this season like I have in the past.

I talk to coach later and explain our situation, cancer and all.  I'm happy to send out emails, disseminate schedule- help order trophies but I do not have the energy to ref and most practices I will be running kids from point a to b to c in a carefully choreographed volunteer uber drill so I will not be just sitting by the sideline. A modified "team mom" if you will. She just lost a sister to breast cancer. She doesn't want to put that on me. Honestly though- we've both assessed the team- there is not going to be any other offers. She said give her a week. A week later- guess who's team mom?

The schedule doesn't come out until the 4th game of the season. I'm straight forward- meet with team- I don't think snacks need to be a huge deal- I don't believe in potluck after games but I will do what the team wants.  Crickets. Crickets. I don't know if you don't tell me. One Mom pipes up- on other teams the schedule just comes out and if people need to switch days they do. Ok great- but if you all know you have conflicts or preferred days- I can do that from the start. Crickets. crickets. (I've found in these situations when people are left to their own devices- they fail or skip out or generally just suck.)  If anyone has a preference let me know- otherwise I'll assign.  And this is that kind of team.

So no volunteers. No input. No response to emails, text or even show up for meeting(or to pick up their damn kid) after practice. So I put names in hat and generate schedules. I take the first 2 games of snacks because well I don't generally expect anyone to do something I'm not willing to do and Bella honestly likes to take snacks for her team.  A couple moms see I am doing that and volunteer the next slots. I offer to bring the pop up tent for girls, just ask that I please have help setting it up.  After no help for 2 games-( I have the boy and girl children help because I needed it-ending up with pulled muscles and mystery bruises- love chemo weeks) I didn't bring the tent. oooh no tent today?? nope no tent- too tired to mess with it.  Next time- another family brings one. Ok appreciate it.  Not entirely hopeless.

So then comes the game with the first assigned snack slot. Mind you I send out emails, the team page sends out reminders, everyone has been given a physical copy. AND a bonus text the night before. This is all shit I've done with my spare time- well because I love my damn kid and other parents are being kind enough to coach her- the least I can effing do is help them a little and the request was to send out reminders for them. I get a text message 10 minutes before the game is supposed to start. Remember ponytail yanker?

maybe maybe not. who knows.

No follow up- no show. At half time- we have 2 parents helping coach because both other coaches are off island.-Something AYSO was fully aware of but refuse to help with scheduling- I'm sure to accomodate "select" coach druthers.  I am at the tent with the girls because as usual- our bad news bears are playing a select(advanced team) and playing their hearts out in a very unmatched skill kinda way and this is when kids get hurt. So I was checking on girl who had been hurt. No snacks- who has snack- of course- no show mom has snacks. No surprise there. Sorry girls no snacks today. It's an hour long game- they will survive. But the ranks are pissed. And apparently one of the team members mentioned this to no show snack girl at school the next week. OH yay soccer mom drama ensued. How the fuck do I get myself into this shit.
Coach told daughter that the next week snacks were already assigned and not to worry about it- the past was the past and everyone was moving on time to practice..  woo how unnecessary. but- oh we were sick now? that explains the lack of follow up message...riiiiight...excuses excuses. whatevs.

So I forward coach the deets and she has a face to face with said no show snack mom who has a big bite by text but ain't so tough in person. Awesome. I'm all about knowing people are fighting battles you know nothing about- trying to be gracious an understanding but we kinda have a couple strikes here. Following week- I email/ text to please order and pay for trophies if they are wanted by such and such date. One mom says flat out no- 2 others don't respond. No show snack mom is one who doesn't respond. You know how this is going to go down.

Jen orders trophies. Jen orders coaches gifts. Jen is covering coaches gift because I don't want the effing headache and I'd give coaches gifts anyways- they are kind enough to dedicate 6 hours a week to helping my kids- I appreciate the hell out of that. Trophies are cheaper than anticipated- because Jen has been in game system for years and knows a good lil shop by physical therapy. Not the more expensive- we got a guy-"AYSO" connection. I let parents know the cost- that I was covering the coaches gift and I will bring their change to next game. Good parents say keep change and apply towards coaches gift. No show snack mom says- is it too late to pay for a trophy? Jen says well I already ordered the trophies, I can call and see if a trophy can be added and yes you can pay me. Because I think kids shouldn't have to pay for their parents being assholes. And then Jen kicks Jen's self for not just ordering the damn trophy to begin with because Jen knew this was going to go down like this. This is why Jen is not in sales. She would never make money. Jen is beginning to think she doesn't really like people at all.

Jen orders the extra trophies- even for others who don't want because well we can't not give 2 girls trophies. Fucking everyone gets a goddamn trophy. whatever - I just want to be done- this is why my kids don't have college funds but decent manners.

Then Jen sends out reminders for this week's game and snack and reffing assignments. Of course no show snack mom has reffing assignment. There were already auto email reminders with all pertinent info. We know how this is going to go down don't we? and there it goes.

winner winner chicken dinner. I did explain everyone has other kids and we are all busy. Apparently that was rude. I cant even reason with this idiocy. nonsense. lack of decency. with no clue. 

So I stop bothering because you cannot reason with this type of person and I refuse to let her toxic nonsense ruin my day- despite the fact it is really trying to because well it absolutely fucking offends the shit out of my sensibilities- but she will never understand what an ass she is and I do have better things to do with my time. Imma gonna let karma deal. I respond for her to please bring the trophy money to the game on Saturday. We all KNOW she wont be at the game on Saturday. Then I change my mind and text - never mind the money- I'd like the trophy to be my gift to her daughter.  Then I block her number because of this last gem. We all know I'm a neva gonna see that $14.  Its not even worth it and lord knows that little girl needs some kindness in her life.

And that is a day in the life of soccer mom. Check team mom off bucket list. or whatever hellish list it belongs on and good riddance. So Phil will ref on saturday because we are not assholes.  I am done with AYSO and will have to get creative for Bella's soccer.  And I will point out that this is fairly noramlish life stuff. There are assholes everywhere- everyone has one- it's a personal choice to BE one or be around one and I am pretty mad at myself for letting this one stink up any bit of my world.  And really no one wants to be up close and personal with one. This nut job is a front runner for 2020 presidential elections right here. 


  1. Some people are assholes. You, on the other hand, are a rock star. Live on kindly Jenn and leave that bitch for karma to dance with ;)

  2. Ah - yep. Eventually the universe unfolds as it should. - Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle


Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)