Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Memory Hoarding

Today is Phil's first day back to work. The night before surgery, I just laid there listening to him breathe and wanting to fast forward to this point- unknowns and all. The past couple days have been quiet- the kids are back to school- Phil hellbent on completing a list of tasks. I could feel his hesitance to leave me. You know- who knows what I'll get into if left on my own. Then part of me felt awful that we had zoomed(hahahaha) through 3 weeks of his leave and although it was a decreased work load- not exactly down time. I made the mistake of calling it a brain tumorcation. NOT received well.

Within the first week home, I could see he was not used to the relative "quiet' of the day. I fought the urge to do what I normally do-which my energy levels are nice enough to cooperate with. Several projects were finished around the house in short order, then he and Monica tackled the garage. My mom navigated the after school transportation and each child got a special grandma date of their choosing. Also a few other fun outings just to keep everyone healing. It was exhausting watching my routine from the inside, outside and an excellent lesson in - not everything has to be done my way and everyone lives. There may be a much bigger therapy bill at the end of it...for me.

Just as I purged our closet over the past months, all kinds of memories hopped out of storage boxes from the garage. The dynamic duo sheltered me from too many- knowing my memory hoarding tendencies- if asked, Jen will keep. Bob's matchbox cars(which became my cousin Eric's then given to Lil Phillip.) came back in the house and were again loved by my nephew. And both Phillips.

Another find was Lily's walker from after her leg sarcoma surgery. We called her out to see it and she immediately said- can we take it to the hospital in case someone else might need it- it's too small for me. I love that kid- and was sad to explain how hard it is to repurpose medical equipment for many reasons but that is something she could definitely change.

Before surgery, the kids asked tons and tons of questions about Phil and my childhood. Especially Bella- I told them that the part of my brain affected wouldn't likely be memory- but you know in tv land and a 10 year old's mind brain=memory. They love stories(seriously if you have a good one- please send along in a message or card- we've spent quite a few dinners laughing over stories and I am alway amazed at how one moment is so monumental for one person and you just don't know or just the perspective they experience it.)

We settled into a routine and now we are going to settle into a new one. We have meals coming twice a week from our Raptor Ohana and a few resourceful friends and have enjoyed some gift cards to Panda Express and other nearby take outs. We still have reinforcements for a couple weeks to help with kids. I haven't been out of the house again, but have enjoyed several visitors and am catching up on messages and phone calls . I was going to get coffee with Kiera yesterday and opted for a nap instead(read as= fell asleep thinking about getting dressed). So energy levels are still a little low.

A friend made sure house cleaning is covered weekly for the next month. We've had some surprise and some planned meals delivered, which were super yummy and I've gotten quite a few really thoughtful and helpful gifts. Not to mention the overtime my team here is putting in. A friend of a friend was kind enough to come over and clean up the hair shaved around my scar- which is healing nicely. The numbness is wearing off a bit- so there's a bit of itching and achieness- but again nothing like I expected. While she was here, Bella got a trim and Lily has been begging for a side shave(really she wants a pixie cut- we will see- she totally is rocking the shave.- always has. )and we made new friends in the process- which is hands down my favoritest. I am really thankful for these ladies helping us out. It just made things so much easier. And Lily smiles are priceless.

Today is a rainy day, which I love. Its so rare here and I have no place I need to be but the present.

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Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)