Monday, April 17, 2017

Cup Theory

My cup is empty. Phil's cup is empty. The kids seem to have some left in their cups and they leave them- the darn cups all over the counter. Sometimes 2-3 cups a day.

A while back, a friend, also facing chronic illness, lack of energy and many physical complications, shared with me the Spoon Theory. The entire article can be found HERE. The essence is that each person starts the day with a certain number of spoons and for a person with a chronic disability, illness, pain,  or depression- they start the day with less spoons and normal work requires more spoons- putting them in spoon deficit quicker. Those with illness tend to try and conserve their spoons whereas normals don't give it much thought.

The explanation made sense but as someone who doesn't use a lot of spoons, it didn't speak to me. But The other night, we were out of "kid wine" aka sparkling juice so I grabbed a bottle of tonic water and a thing of juice and we McGyvered some kid wine. Kiera kept stealing drinks from the other kids- by pouring theirs into hers. Now the kids know exactly how much kid wine they get- and how many glasses per bottle. She was gauging her consumption based on faulty numbers. But it occurred to me-cup theory.

Each day we are supposed to have so many glasses of water. Let's say 8 cups. Well with chronic illness- you might only wake up with only 5 or 6 cups. This can be due to disrupted sleeping patterns from meds(steroids anyone) aches, pains, or any other reason.  You need a glass for each meal- that's 3 more. Let's round up and just say you start with 6- so you have 3 cups left. You need maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of a cup to take meds. 2.5 left. Now maybe you need to go for a walk- it's hot out- that's another full glass. You have 1.5 glasses left for any incidentals that might pop up throughout the day. You have to ration sips.  Cups do no carry over. Some days you may wake up with 5-6, on a good day 7. On a bad day- 3 if you are lucky. You can't predict it. That's the tricky part. Somedays at noon- you turn around and all the cups are empty. it just happens. whether someone took it, it spilled- who knows. you are out of cups.

Here's the great thing about cups. You can share. Generally those who have had empty cups are more inclined to share whatever they have- even though it's less than average with a friend or someone in need. If they have 1 cup left- they will give you half. Those who have never run out of cups- tend to use them up- knowing all 8 will reappear after a good night's rest. When someone makes dinner for us, helps transport kids- it preserves my cups. When we can't make certain events- it's because I've had to triage. Social interaction takes at a minimum 1 cup. There is the showering and the travelling and the smiling while saying I feel good. I've given up on good by the way- the answer is tired and I have found people ask a lot less. Others go out of their way to share their cups with us and its always people who I know carefully ration their cups. Which makes it so touching and so hard at the same time.

I absolutely hate that I have no cups or portions of cups to share right now. Every last bit goes to each day and then Phil and the kids. I know Phil empties cup after cup into mine trying to help. I still can't catch up and we are both empty. This is a problem. And then the kids do something amazing- just when you think they've drained every last drop- they reach over and dump their cup on you. Sure it is a huge mess and You just leave it because in that moment all of your cups if not literally- are figuratively full.

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Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)