Work, Working, Working out, Working it out.

Holy hell summer is over. Almost. 2 of 4 monkeys are in middle school. We are back to kids in 3 schools instead of 4.

Bella started 7th grade. After a summer of luxuriating on the couch to many delights of vines- video montage stupidity and sometimes hilarity for those(like me) not in the know- Bella could use some structure again. She did do band over the summer and I've failed at providing much more than that. The deal was- pick up her flipping room and she could paint her wall. Well finally last week, under Kiera's OCD supervision- they made it happen. She was given free reign- added some design and quite a few speckles of paint to the carpet. The carpet matches her in age, I wasn't too bothered. It's seen chemo med vomit, too high g-tube setting vomit regular vomit, and many other fluids both human and canine. She needed something of hers in a joint space. Ah. Parenting. It can be work, you just have decide at which end you want to put the work in.

Lily spent the first part of summer going to cancer camp then participating in the Leadership program at school. Despite having the makings of a GREAT leader- they get to wear purple shirts- enuf said. Leadership is kinda like what we know as student council. sort of.  She then had her MRI and jetted off the next morning to Cali to spend some quality time with her Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins. Bonus time was spent with Grandma and Grandpa Allen and Great Grandparents Bourne! When she wasn't reading and playing with the cousins, she got to explore all the culinary delights of the mainland. I told her to send pics- pics of food I got! It was so nice to facetime her and get to see the cousins. She had great experiences learning about her aunt and uncle's work- even getting a spin in a flight simulator! She got home and it's right back to routine- she's excited to catch up with friends, Leadership and is really helpful around the house. We have a couple more scans to look at some spots. Of course I am nervous- we are at her 10 year survivorship point- but I also know that this is WHY we scan- it could be nothing it could be something we can deal with. We won't know either if we don't check it out. Ah Parenting, it'll work out. Working on being positive and know we will handle whatever comes our way.

Kiera loves summer and to wear regular clothes. She jumped into a lot of activities at the beginning of summer- hiking, beach days, jumping off of rocks and waterfalls. Many details of these excursions, I did not know until later and was glad to have her in one piece excitedly telling me about them. She worked a lot at i-trampoline and has been great about putting money away, at Starbucks. Seriously, she has a plan, she works hard and did all the IB summer homework. Phil and I can both attest- we NEVER did that! After her back injury and ankle, she's shied away from dance. She misses it more than she says- every art piece features a dancer. Her community service project is a dance club, the dance is strong with her and I hope she finds a way to nurture it on her terms. I see so much of myself in her. It's bittersweet. I'm so proud and want to save her from so much all at the same time. Ah parenting, she's working and finding what's worth the work.

Phillip. The man-child. I wish he knew how proud of him we are so he wouldn't find every question to be an attack. Ah, parenting. It is just plain work. He is working at Safeway, promoted to cashier. Switching to UH Manoa this fall for more math/physics/whatever classes. Phil and I have many discussions about how to approach this phase of family and life. He is pragmatic, knows the man-child needs independence. I do too. There's a whole year that is a blur and huge chunks of others. He's been a great kid. He will do great things. He is a good human. He cares deeply. He's gifted in music. He's 18 (yeah parents of 18 year old hear me!) I personally am happy to have him here but do not want to be nanny, chef, maid to a man-child. And man-child has my number. So we invest time and thought and energy into figuring this road out, knowing we will find what works for us in our strange mix of normal under abnormal circumstances. I am trusting the foundation, remembering course correction is not failure but a way forward. I hug him whenever I can, I tell him I am proud of him and where I am coming from. Where his dad is coming from. I go with him to his scans yet make him fill out the paperwork despite every fiber in me wanting to just do it for times sake. It's just nice to be mutual support. And the good news is that everything is stable. Nothing to look into right now. That works.

Phil. commander. Best Friend. Outstanding Dad. He works. a lot. I am so proud of the person and leader he is.  He keeps reciting the need to remain "relevant".  Despite my advice on relevance being relevant and that just because he's only doing 2 jobs instead of 3 in the air force, 3 could be family. I understand the fear- after 5 years of wondering healthwise, friends come, and go, and go. For the short while til they find job 3- trust me it wont be long. He arrives home asking why women are so mean to each other in the work place- cue any variation of our female offspring bickering....Dude when you find that out- we will be set. My very best women friends have all been the kind who help raise each other up. They make me want to be better because they are supportive. I shut down, especially now with the petty bullshit. There are certain social constructs that we fight for over and over and there are just as many that oppose them over and over.  We work hard at being the best we can be, we work out one problem at a time and put a helluva lot of faith in it all working out. it might just surprise us.

So, Kiera comes home from work the other night, tears brimming.
I am resigning and I don't want to talk about it. 

Phil and I had been rather emotionally discussing the other childrens and other partnership type things as we closed up the house- I could tell he wanted to yank her down and demand an explanation. I just shook my head. Give her a minute to process and get settled.

I walk into her room, computer perched on her lap.
Funny- they tell you how to apply for a job but there isn't anything about resigning.

Perhaps if you tell me what happened, I can help. 

Long story short- another employee bounced a golf ball off her head. No she does not work at a golf course. He did apologize in a snarky- dude I'm so proud I schwacked you in the head with my mad skills- way. She went to the manager and asked to leave early. Like her mom, she needs to process.

I let her know under no circumstances is someone chucking a hard ball at her head ok- that she could have called the police. The only thing maybe to be done differently would have been to talk to her manager right then. Part of me thought; he probably likes her. WHAT THE FUCK? That. That. That is why we shouldn't spew all of our thoughts and all thoughts aren't gospel. NOT OK, Under any circumstances.

I just wanted to get away. If they look at the video they will see it all. 

And I got it. That environment was not safe. She did not trust management enough to discuss it then. She resigned without naming names but because of unacceptable work conditions and inappropriate acts by a fellow employee. I told Phil and and his eyes got big- "He DIDN'T..."   "She wasn't.." words drifting.

No bud. You have 3 daughters. We can teach them all the tools in the book and shit can still happen. It will happen. We also have to give them the tools to deal. Before, during, after. And hope the tools never need to be used. Right now, we are mid tool dispensing but she's got the basics and I hate that. She's doing the right thing. He makes a point to tell her eye to eye- under no circumstances was that employee's behavior ok. She wasn't alone, we were there every step if she wanted or needed us.

She went in the next day and had to explain. The manager checked the video then commented how Kiera wasn't lying, it was all on the video. Well no shit sherlock. Way to work out that mystery. First the doubt, Kiera offended her integrity had been questioned. The first reaction should be benefit of doubt not just doubt. And of course the other employees were bustling about the negative comments already on social media.

And here's where we are still failing. She felt bad because he got fired. Phil corrected her- he got himself fired. As for the other employees, I'm sure many of them have their own tales to tell- but his girlfriend who was fired a few months ago probably shouldn't be throwing social media shade and regardless- unfollow, unfriend, dislike ,block. Not our kinda people. This friendship is not gonna work out.

I look at the normals we face. I hate that something like this is categorized as "normal" and that we are still working it out. But this is life, the good, the bad, the work. Sometimes it works, Sometimes WE have to work it out.