October 1 - the heart

Despite Kiera burning a pumpkin spice candle for the last month,  October still snuck up on me.

September’s focus was childhood cancer awareness for Living LFS. My favorite part of “the job” is support. I was overwhelmed by the response from parents willing to share their mini mutants. I messaged several throughout the month, exchanging stories, fears, hard times. We work really hard to stay upbeat. I started posting on my personal page about Lily’s cancers. I felt the love but also heard how hard it was. Yeah it was. So I stopped. She is my positive, every day. This month marks her 10th year as a survivor. That is huge. I also know how excruciating the month is for so many who have lost their babies. My heart broke a lot,.

We also celebrated my 19th year as a mom. I mean Phillip’s birthday. We had our traditional Cheesecake Factory dinner with his friends then they went out on a yacht to celebrate. We are still transitioning with the man-child to adult thing. Cancer has eternally screwed, I mean skewed my perspective.

October marks my 5th year with Mets. So appropriately, today was a chemo day. I have to say, I still dread it. The team is great. It really doesn’t hurt bad- I get a few pokes- I spend some time hooked to an IV, we go home. There is usually waiting. I’m not good with waiting.

My blood work stalled. When it came back, I knew my nurse was going to be disappointed in my potassium levels. I haven’t been taking the supplements. It’s a process, I can’t swallow them, yada yada. Minor thing. She doesn’t harp, she problem solves- would I be more likely to take a smaller pill. Yeah. I only take about 9 pills a day- smaller would increase likelihood of compliance.

My doc comes by and pets my feet. My left ankle is a little swollen- but I’m pretty sure that’s due to the new aromatase inhibitor-and my joints hurt and swell. Physical therapy is helping- my back pain has improved so much already I feel human again. How’s the lump?

So Yeah she isn’t petting me out of love she’s looking for this random lump comes and goes on the top of my foot- X-ray declares it a bony spur thing and also found 2 other issues with that foot. I should probably name it so I remember it. But it is currently  gone. So there. Doc is puzzled. Yeah yeah one lump at a time.

Well my ECHO was last week. They look at the ejection fraction- a measure of how much blood the left ventricle pumps out. Many medications weaken the heart. Drugs are bad mmmkay? Unless they are saving you, but they still can have some bad effects. Perpetual risk - benefit analysis. One of the reasons I did not do chemo initially was fear of doing damage. The heart bears a lot of the strain, on many levels. My EF was lower- not bad- just hey what’s up kinda thing. Well my last EF actually went up, different tech- yada yada. So the overall decline wasn’t really big. I’m still in fine zone. Need to be careful- you know- take supplements and shit so my heart doesn’t have to work harder than it already does.

We usually get home with an hour or two before the kids get back from school. I rest, Phil works out and runs to Costco for easy food for the week. He then grills dinner. I heart him so much.

There were several newbies in the chemo bay and really I just kept silently chanting “bless your heart”.  It was relatively quiet in the bay. One young mom has half her family there- fun grou-kept giving the dad shit. 2 older guys who slept very loudly. Lots of snoring. 2 other youngish ladies. I dread pinktober. You never know who is gonna show up looking like they’ve just taken a dip in Willy  wonka’s pepto river. None today. A lady on her second chemo, very chatty very peppy- would fit right in with the mutants was chasing Pokémon with young mom’s husband. Young mom is struggling with iv and chair- obviously needing to go to the bathroom. She casually defends herself- I have no idea why I’m peeing so much. Oh that’s easy I told her- you are on your second bag of fluids- you will spend all your time in the bathroom. That causes you to pee? Um yes, hydration causes you to pee. Bless her heart.

2nd chemo Pokémon lady is quiet. Ah the Benadryl is kicking in. She mentions how she didn’t think chemo would be as bad as it was last week. She lived in the bathroom. Wicked indigestion and nausea. Yeah, ya think? Bless her heart. So I sing the praises of B12 shots. She had no idea they help with indigestion. Well they don’t really- but the truckloads of meds you take for the indigestion inhibit the absorption of b12, so extra helped me feel better. At which point nurse extraordinaire shooes me out the door before she has to give everyone b12 shots...but there could be worse things. Bless her heart.