I have so many words and so many thoughts(yay!) and those are as dizzying as it gets(yay) but this will be brief .
I keep saying it but I am just lucky. LUCKY. The fear and outright terror going in- like anything is a huge mental battle with the unknowns. Learning to accept you just sometimes have to roll with it is so helpful.
I am lucky to be surrounded by amazing people. MY husband is the most phenomenal man I have ever met and I know this has been an excruciating time for him- yet the average person would never know to look at him- they would see this outstanding hard working leader, excellent father and the absolute best friend and husband for me. And that is what makes us-us- you just do- the greatest award, accolade, reward was to sit on the couch watching tv, together for our 18th Anniversary just a few days after brain surgery.
I have exceptional care. However it came about- the bumps along the way- the outcome is what we hoped for but didn't plan on. I am so so so lucky.
I have caring, giving friends who are patiently waiting just to help(Thank you thank you thank you) or who just spot a need or a want and fill in. SO grateful. Kiera's best friend taking time off from school with her to play during surgery day to help keep her sane. Oh my heart. SO lucky, to Phillip's girlfriend and entire family providing him distraction since he is stoic like his dad and would never let on how terrified he was. To Phil's bros who sat with him during surgery - you have a special place in my heart and I have a debt I could never fully repay. For lip balms and magazines, thank you so much Barb. Just anything to ease the terror, I don't know what I'd do without you. We all were terrified. How could you not be?
The surgery went well. I can't believe it'll be a week tomorrow. I feel really good. SO much better than I ever imagined. I am so grateful to my special brain tumor buddies who really tried to tell me it wasn't going to be as bad as I feared and those who gave me the real scary details- because I like to be prepared. These are the things that kept me sane in the unknown. I am so grateful for you. I am so lucky to have you in my life.
My surgeon is a legend as far as I am concerned and I am aware the outcome could have gone many ways out of any of our control. I made sure he knew to thank his wife for me profusely- The hours and worries.
I get really tired really easily. I save my energy all day for the few hours after school to chat with the kids who are - oh I can't even express how much I worry and am impressed by the grace and maturity each one of them is showing. I hate that they have to worry- it kills me but i remember being a scared kid with a sick brother and dad and well- we get through. We are so so so lucky.
I try to take just tylenol during the day and save the good stuff for night. As long as i take it easy, it works. pHysically- other surgeries were so much more painful- which my brain tumor friends told me- but you know I'm stubborn and plan for the worst. The first 24 were not fun, but again not the dizzy and pukefest I was expecting- and not even as painful as I was expecting-so so grateful.
The brain just takes time to heal. I feel weak, but not off balance. I am not dizzy and Bella performs daily neurological exams- and I have finally convinced her multi digit multiplication is not a fair one. I am being cautious to just rest when I can. I am bad about turning away visitors, which is why I say lets hold off for a week or two- as to not stress Phil out when I overdo it. But I really really appreciate texts and messages and I am keeping my phone off and limiting screen time- just to keep the healing on the right path and lord knows the kids are plenty of stimulation each afternoon. Please dont be afraid to reach out- I'll answer when I can. I feel so lucky just to sit with the kids and chat- but even then it is exhausting. Which is funny- not in a marathon way but just tired. I sneak off to my chair on the lanai or recliner upstairs(stairs require a 20 min nap- so silly some of this recovery stuff but I'm listening to the advice i've been given and embracing nap times!).
Nutshell: I am home- we are waiting on what name we can officially call Boobie- but she is out. I feel so much better than I thought I would- I am so grateful for the love, prayers, juju- thoughts- everything sent our way. You know I was fairly medicated when I guess I asked Phil to take pictures post surgery. You will NOT be seeing those. And the space age toilet will be a blog on it's own. But if you don't like scars- look away- this is my new fave- Boobie's exit route. Short- ha- you know things are ok when jen doesn't just write a paragraph! Hello from the other side. So glad and lucky to be here.