Tuesday, June 6, 2017

D'Ana, my first Chemosabe.

I first met D online, her sister brought her into the LFS support group. Courtney always said D'Ana needed us, but I know now we all needed her in so many ways.

We called her Gabby. She would chat and chat and chat. She always had time for a friend, to make a new friend, to sing or create an adventure. We all have friends who are the ones to check in on us- D would check in on me by Facetime. Honestly it was a much better experience- D'Ana really had to be seen to be believed. She was one of a kind. She would carpool with me and the girls to school- my phone precariously perched on the dash. She never minded running errands with you via Facetime- and D taught my kids to armpit fart with straws. One time when she wasn't feeling well- Bella upped the game by using a balloon pump behind her knee to make fart noises. We videoed it and sent it to her, just to make her smile. As an experienced mom while cancering- she often talked me off the ledge of kid/teen madness.

When we met, D was facing mets and first told me about "neverending chemo". It is one thing that stings when you are forever cancering- you know besides the imminent threat of death, dismemberment and losing one's faculties- the question is asked- when will you be done with chemo? D'Ana used to answer- the fifth of never.  When I was diagnosed with mets- she patiently answered all my newbie questions. She and Court even made me a welcome to the forever chemo club gift basket. It had all the creature comforts for my upcoming chemobay adventures. D told me all about the port-"numbing spray is for pussies" was actually what she said. Every single time I get asked if I need numbing spray- I hear her voice in my head.

For awhile we were on the same chemo schedule. We would message back and forth. She would tell me about all her chemosabes, of which I was now one. She was my first. We discussed pros and cons of treatments and she advised me on how to live despite the cancer cloud hanging over my head and kept me laughing.  I don't like to talk in the chemobay- but D'Ana lit up any room she landed in even if it was only via messenger or Facetime. Her sense of humor, authenticity and sharp wit usually left everyone in stitches, even outside the ER. She said it was just ADD. She made friends everywhere and although her health issues were complicated, she was everyone's favorite patient.

When my hair started falling out, she made sure I signed up for the Look Good Feel Better program from American Cancer Society- for the "excellent swag". Although, it didn't hurt when the hair falls out- some of the follicles were inflamed- she sent me the comfiest fuzzy blue cap to sleep in, hers was pink but she knew I had an aversion to pink.

She was one of the smartest women I've met- even though she said she was only the master of random factoids.   If she didn't know an answer, she'd look it up. We many times discussed what a useless bitch Siri is. Like the time I was considering the chemo  Pertuzumab and Siri heard her say she "Purchased a map." We planned to align our schedules, get her here to Hawaii where we could celebrate Herceptin Humpday together.

D'Ana was an unconditional friend, laughing through tears she carefully controlled. If she had a friend in need, she'd pack up and drive there in a hot flash. She was fiercely independent, yet thrived off of human connection. She surrounded herself with a conglomerate of amazing people. When a bunch of mutants met up in Boston- she threw together a spreadsheet of information to help wrangle us. Out of this friendship, grew Living LFS-our nonprofit to help others like us. We wanted to share the friendship, understanding and laughter we found- despite this shitty mutant syndrome. When we wanted to find a way to bring more mutants together- we decided to do a T-shirt fundraiser- D rattled off at least 5 ideas- all brilliant- we settled on her first idea "Have you Hugged a Mutant Today?" Our first and best selling t shirt to date!



 I am impossibly sad and very angry that D'Ana is no longer here. The world truly got dimmer. We've come a long way and many cancers are "manageable". But the loss of good friends will never be "manageable" or acceptable. I will be forever grateful to Courtney for sharing her sister with me.  I could go on.  One of the very tough things about having wonderful friends who "get it" is the impending impermanence we all have. No one can say for sure how long any of us has. 2 things I know for sure- D'Ana did not get nearly as much time here as she should have and because I knew her I was changed for good.

2 comments:

  1. I am so very happy that D'Ana had you and your fellow mutants to depend upon and to rant with and to adventure with and to love. She was the brightest and most radiant friend who always found the fun in the small things - even before cancer - it is who she has been for as long as I have known her. I am so sorry she is gone but I am so grateful for every moment we all did have. (And if that was a subtle reference to Wicked snuck in on the end, she would have loved that and started singing out loud!)

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Lily Kay Monkey

Lily Kay Monkey
November 2008 Photographed by Shelley Detton (7 Layer Studio)