Dobby's Kind of Magic.

I am someone who believes everything happens for a reason. I know it's no longer a popular phrase. How people cope with this phrase actually can tell you a lot about where they are in their grieving process.  Sometimes we don't get to know the reason, sometimes the reason is not something we can cope with. That is hard. Loss is hard.

When you deal with cancer(or any trauma), there are many losses, and they occur at times you don't necessarily expect. Body parts, freedom, control, normal. Yet there are many other types of loss. Sometimes you get warning of impending loss and you take steps to mitigate and your heartbreak(not possible, but we try) and sometimes loss comes as a hurricane out of the blue.

I've sat down many times to try and put into words how hard the past few months have been. I just can't. Finally Phil said- we lived through it, dwelling on it will not make it easier. dwelling/dealing tomato/tomatoe potato/ potatoe.

Phil's schedule has been ridiculous. The standard- must do as much as humanly possible while things are "calm". He's flying still, sitting alert still and still squadron commander for the 169th and taking the online air war college course. He's got a plan, or five, I just am trying not to fuck it up too much.

Phillip and his girlfriend broke up the first week he was in Washington this summer and they just said goodbye this week. It was excruciating to watch. Whoever said parenting was like taking your heart and letting it live outside your body- was fucking spot on. He also had injury to the insult of a wonky lump that turned up on his rib. It reminded me enough of my arm sarcoma - I had a few sleepless nights. We had it removed- and fortunately it was a "just" a benign fibroma. When in doubt, cut it out.  Due to scheduling conflicts at Safeway, he resigned and is now working in the kitchen at Buffalo Wild Wings but is  keeping options open. I appreciate the new found focus on school and that these experiences are giving him.    

Kiera is dancing and working at i-trampoline. She's in the IB program in school. Her scans were good- still a wonky behind her knee that we follow but so far no problem or change. She has been begging for a dog for years. Please- I will do everything, take care of everything....more on that later.

Lily had clear scans and is loving the hell outta middle school. She rides her bike with a friend and is currently trying to join every school activity available from dance, to basketball and loves playing the piano in the cafeteria during lunch. Can we please have a dog- I will help with everything. 

Bella- is Bella. I've been worried about her, she's been pretty clingy since my surgery- understandably so- but it's just not Bella. She has a 2.9 cm wonky on her right humerus(arm) that we just had X-rayed to make sure there was no bone involvement(invasion, not  a good sign) and thankfully no. We will rescan by MRI, date TBD. She fell in love with Grandma Sandy and Ed's fur babies in Washington. She moped for weeks and pined over all things pug, terrier and puppy online. I will pick up poop. all the poop.

I am fine. Tired and focusing on the kids, basic daily tasks. I got to tag along to Alaska with Phil and then we had another fabulous trip to the east coast for his youngest brother's wedding. We were gone for a week and it was the first time we left the kids alone. Cancer after cancer, stress after stress- and this is the event that finally gave me gray hairs. But it was time. They did great. Phil promised them a huge HUGE reward if they made it through.  I think he meant Disneyland.

The night after we got home, we had family dinner and offered the kids an amnesty session. Come clean about anything that happened while we were gone and there would be no punishment. If we find out later- the consequences would be huge. Kiera immediately spilled that she did not hurt her foot in dance class, it was from kicking Phillip when they were wrestling. (There was a specific NO WRESTLING rule before we left.) Bella squealed that they pretty much only ate mcdonald's. No big reveals. Phil told them we were thinking of a good reward.

As the kids were cleaning up, Kiera brings me a picture of a rat dog. One of our friends rescued him from the street, couldn't find anyone who would claim him and he wasn't doing well with their other 5 pets. Please. Please. Just temporary. This would be a BIG reward. For years I've said no, I don't need one more critter to clean up after. We have Bella. We would end up with some mutant pup with medical needs. But he was cute and the timing, sometimes, well things happen for a reason. I contact our friend, we make plans to "meet" the little guy on Saturday- a week away. We had a week to get Phil on board.

I made sure each kid understood this was a joint venture and gave them all the questions dad would ask. We started a list of names. Before we knew it- it was Friday and Phillip and I were on our way to get lumpy lumpkin removed from his side.  As we sat in the waiting room, Phil sent the text- Ok, you can get the 🐶.  We made arrangements.

Saturday: As soon as he hopped out of the car- I knew- He was Dobby. And he was ours. Things we've learned:

Dobby is afraid of beer bottles, leaves, and water.

He thinks he is fierce.

He can dismember a stuffed animal in 3 minutes and does love socks.

He loves going for walks and playing catch. Phil, Phillip and Kiera are his favorite playmates.

Bella is his favorite. He snuggles with her at night. She puts him in pajamas that say- I'm not small, I'm fun size. She does in fact clean up all the poop.

He loves Lily and will hug her and loves to read with her.

He has an undescended testicle- Phil wanted to rename him Sammy small- who only had one ball, but one is better than none at all. So yes he's a medical mutant and to get him nuetered would involve abdominal surgery.

He snuggles on bad days and plays on good days. He adds laughter and fun. More so he gives us a reason to laugh and go for more walks and play. And to vaccuum more and pick up more. He gets me out of bed, he keeps me in the present. He is our lil mischievous house elf.